I tell you, I have been slackin’ lately. Slacking on everything, not just the blog. Slacking on Plurk, on housework, on reading, on paying the bills and getting groceries, I’ve even been slackin’ on World of Warcraft and that’s a freaking video game. Mostly, it’s because I’m feeling somewhat down lately. With all the illness and death that seems to be going on in my family, I’m feeling sort of blah. Add to that the fact that being flat broke means I can’t go see my mom, dad, sister and nephews, who are actually in TX, about 6 1/2 hours drive from here. The whole thing is just yuck. Most of all, I can attribute my generally feeling of blah to the fact that I need a lifestyle change.
I’m back in school, that’s helping, but I need something more. I need more exercise, I need to eat three square meals a day, I need to shed some pounds. Don’t we all, I know that’s what you’re thinking, but I have more to lose than most people. I need to be able to look in the mirror everyday without saying, “my god, is that really me?” Every single day, every day, I see myself and wonder what the hell has happened to me. How did I gain so much weight? How did I get here, looking so old? The actual answer is that I have no earthly idea. No… that’s not true. I’ve let myself go, been completely neglecting myself, and that is how I’ve come to be like this. I’ve eaten what I want, when I want. I’ve been eating one meal a day for the last nine years. One meal a day is not enough to sustain a human being, my body is stupid and thinks I’m starving and is storing away for the freaking winter. Ugh! I have to eat more if I want to weigh less. That sounds like such an oxymoron, but it’s true.
So, starting on July 1st, I am going to try to dedicate myself to eating better, getting more exercise, and finding a way to have a more healthy sleep schedule. According to my psych book, I have so much sleep debt, they should be hauling me off to debters prision –thank god they don’t have those anymore, I’d have been working it all off along time ago! I’m also going to start taking Alli. My sister is taking it and it’s helped her. She has some of the same problems I have, notably a difficult thyroid and she says it works. I read up and apprently it used to be perscription only. Now it’s OTC and the only diet pill approved by the FDA that is widely available now. I need something to help me, this is it.
I figure that I have to do it now. I have to get in better shape because losing weigh in your 30’s just get’s harder and harder. I have a long way to go. According to sparkpeople’s site, It’ll be June 2009 before I’ll be done losing, if I lose 2.5 lb a week. Add that up. I’m so tired of being disgusted with myself. So tired of wondering if I’m going to look like this forever. Time for a change.
I’m also going to start trying to get more exercise, which is going to be tricky. I am very out of shape. I took walking a few summers ago and thought it was going to kill me. Since then, I’ve actually gained 15 lbs. I didn’t lose a pound in the whole 6 weeks, but when I stopped walking 4x a week, I gained weight. Stupid “fitness” class. I want to do yoga, but I have a husband who’s generally unsupportive of that plan. He sort of scoffs at the idea of yoga. We talked about it the other day, because I’m extremely self-conscious, so much so in fact that the idea of working out in front of him makes me want to shrivel up and die. I’m very private about some things, this is one of them. Taking walking, where we had to work out around other people, was absolutely terrible for my anxiety! Anyway, apparently he doesn’t consider yoga exercise. I tried to explain to him that it’s a matter of toning and breathing, but he just gave me the flat glare that said he wasn’t buying it. Well, I’ve decided that I don’t care what he says, I’m going to give it a shot and if he want’s to laugh at me or scoff at yoga as exercise, I don’t care (which is a lie, but I’ll deal with it).
He’s usually so supportive. He tells me I’m beautiful, he tells me he loves me the way I am, but it’s difficult because I know it makes him uncomfortable when I talk about needing to lose weight. I have no idea why, I know it’s not insecurity on his part, but my god… I need support or I won’t make it. He always says, “Okay, just don’t go overboard” and I have no idea what that means. I’m pretty sure it means, “don’t talk to me about it, or mention it, or act like you’re dieting.” I just don’t know.
Either way, come Tuesday, I’m striving for a lifestyle change. Wish me luck and I’ll try to be more diligent about posting. Blogging is a big part of my life, I need it to feel normal. Maybe, if I can get back to blogging regularly, everything else will pick up too. Best to you all.
Good for you! I am right there with you. There comes a point where you are just fed up with feeling so blah that you have to do something. I started my diet 2 weeks ago and I already feel better. I know that you are going to do great.
Your hubby may feel like if he gets too excited about your plan you might feel that you have to do this for him – and you should be doing it for you. So by acting like it’s not a big thing he’s saying that he will love you the same no matter what. — Ask him, I bet he’ll agree.
I’ll be there with you in spirit. LOL. Because I’m lazy as shit!
I think this will be great for you. All of it. The sleep schedule will actually help with the loosing weight. Seems odd but I know from experience. I decided to visit the Alli website and read up on it since you mentioned it. I am quite put off by the Treatment Effects. I wouldn’t wish IBS on my worst enemy. Just be careful with that stuff. I wish you the best of luck with all of your lifestyle changes. /hug
Amanda, I like to think that he’s just trying to play it off. I just don’t know. He’s always been like this about certain things, exceptionally private and somewhat bothered. Dieting, money, and personal issues are among them. He doesn’t like to discuss diet, whether than be his, mine, or anyone else. Personally I blame his parents. His father gives him a hard time about things like weight and money when there are people around, at wildly inappropriate times, and it embarrasses him. As a result, he almost flat refuses to discuss such things.
LOL, Maria. I am lazy as hell too. I’ve never been able to diet before, never been able to shed the pounds because I’m too lazy to cook 3 meals (+ snacks) a day and get off my ass, away from the computer, and make myself get some exercise. Not to mention, I hate working out more than almost anything. Lazy is my middle name.
Kristine, I hope sleeping better will help with my overall wellness, to be honest. I feel tired all the time because I don’t sleep well or enough. So, sleep is going to be a huge goal for me.
I’ve read all the information on Alli and I still think it’s worth it. I have a lot of digestive issues, including that dreaded IBS, and no gall bladder which has lead to something very unpleasant called “dumping syndrome.” We’re not even going to go there. I think adding one more thing to a very long list of issues is worth it if it helps me shed the lbs.
/hug!!
Mae,
So….want to go walking Tuesday? It would have to be in the morning before it gets unbearably hot, since I have to work evenings now…every evening… /sigh
I’d love to! I only see two or three potential problems. The first, of course, is that I could never keep up with you. Walking kills me, I’m sure you remember the class, and I’m even worse now than I was then! Otherwise, the only problems I see would be that I have terrible morningitus (waking up is hard to do!! LOL) and with gas the way it is, I can’t really afford to do much driving.
All that said, if you’re willing to put up with my terrible, terrible out of shape self, I’d love to go walking! I seriously need to get some exercise.